Hello hypothetical readers,
We all do too much of this & there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. I have recently cut ties with someone, who I thought I never would. It was the simple story of you’re travelling there & I’m travelling here, this isn’t going to work. We had both reached the understanding, that we are both free to do what we please & we’d be happy for the other, if they were to find happiness elsewhere. But we’d meet up at some point, if we didn’t have anyone in our lives (as we’d told each other, there is no-one else for one another). We foolishly thought we could still talk all the time, as close friends. Made sense at the time. We talked about random shit & never got on the heavy topics (like our “relationship”). This was going great for about 6 months too, she’d always be there to talk to me, when I was having a hard time or when I was just down & the same with me to her. One conversation ended it all though recently. It was the hardest conversation I’ve had to date.
The conclusion of our conversation was, that her family was never going to accept me for who I am. Given they never allowed me the chance of getting to know them, I found this reality very difficult to take. I’m always going to have love and respect for her, but I can’t shake the resentment off. We’d told each other as well, that we’d only ever cut ties if one of us had met someone (she tells me she hasn’t and I believe her). So getting a grasp on this, is like doing a rubix cube with your eyes closed to me at the moment.
Ok, enough of me. I’d like to know your opinion (or stories for that matter).
Do you guys have a story, of a time when you maybe should have acted earlier in cutting ties ? And any tips for keeping those ties cut ?
This is a sugar coat free zone…. aaaaand GO!
CHOCOLATEY SHATNER 
I have been through a very similar experience recently whereby broke of a 6 year relationship with the desire to travel. we had always planned to travel and work together and six years down the track i went for the “well im doing it anyway”.
we were doing great a the breakup and talking, he had a pash, i knew, all was fine. it was about 6 – 8 weeks ago we stopped the post breakup fooling around and only 2 weeks ago that he slept with a mutual friend (ya know… the one you are always a little cautious about…).
up until this point we were talking about future, alternative ways to stay together, possibilities for future and travels ‘one day’ thought he would me my ‘Happily every after’ and now he has left me with nothing but disrespect a general horrible feeling.
i wish we cut the ties earlier, the difficult part is finding the VERY fine line between friendship and relationship. this guy was my best friend for 6 years and now not even a Facebook friend.
It really is about distancing yourself and maybe ‘checking in’ every few weeks just to see how the other person is ok.
Thanks for your insight Seraphin, and thanks for replying to my blog.
Getting a woman’s perspective is always a good thing I believe, and with your experience (the 6 year relationship I’m refering to, of course), I will truly take your words/advice on board. Can I ask how your road to recovery, or moving on (whichever word is suitable) is going?
Thanks again for your input
ummm….. up until last week i was ok… struggling to be honest as moved interstate to be with this man. difficult to separate the friendships etc especially after ‘the incident’ causing tornado’s throughout the friendship group.
To be honest i think this was a turning point to make me open my eyes and remove the ‘fuck off’ sign from my forehead and be open to what else the future holds. it generally is something that shakes you to the core to really be able to move on. i think also removing temptation helps. defriending on Facebook (although immature and quite mean in retrospect) has help me to not wonder what is going on in his life.
I do want to maintain a friendship but there is definitely a requirement for space and alone time before you can work on the friendship again. fortunately i will be overseas for a while so i can rebuild a friendship just by Facebook accepting again….. what an interesting social world it is now 🙂
Yeah, I think your onto something with the defriending thing. Can’t resist temptation, if it doesn’t exist can you!?!
And your right, it could be viewed as mean and immature, but is it though!?! .. I tend to lean towards the opinion, that it isn’t (given the circumstances).
As much as you want to know how they are doing, at some point you’ve gotta start looking out for yourself & is getting in contact with them going to be good for you?!
The fact that your heading overseas is quite handy, just as my story isn’t as stressful given we’re in different countries.(lucky for both of us uh)
It’s good to compare notes with someone, that’s at a different stage of the same process I gotta say.
I’m glad to hear you’ve passed the what folks call “The Shitty Stage” of moving on & I don’t doubt this will be a distant memory before too long, while your living it up overseas 🙂
Oh yes hello, I have a comment to make about breakups – they suck! It sometimes helps if you can really hate the person, but I know this particular person is particularly impossible to hate, and it’s just an unfortunate situation, for the both of you. And as for keeping ties cut, my advice would be to drop a nuclear bomb on any social media friendships/follows, as they are the last bastian of connection and a dangerous stalking tool! Goodluck, may the cold turkey force be with you (both)!
Thanks for your input … “anonymous” 🙂
Luke, only in the last month I’ve actually been through the EXACT same thing. Me & the ex were talking again & everything seemed cool…until he told his mother & sister about me and the said t didn’t “fit the family”. Following this, I was deeply offended, hurt, full of resentment…they has never reallygotten to know me eitherso it beats me as to why I wasn’t good enough for their son/brother. It’s a horrible feeling to know that the person you are isn’t good enough. But then I realised,who are they to judge me? And if my ex could just agree with them, he wasn’t worth my time. He’s a good person, but I need someone who can think for themself and who is willing to be with me on their own terms not someone else’s. It made me realise that I deserve better. At first i thought i couldn’t be friends with my ex but then I had to let the anger go…and it was easy to let it go when I realised I couldn’t be attracted to a person who could so easily give me up. I hope you’re ok, dude. Honestly, its a ridiculous situation to find yourself in and cutting ties may be the best. One day the resentment will go when you realise you don’t need anyones approval, especially from someone who won’t even take the time to get to know you. 🙂
Wow, that really hit home with me Eva. But you knew that was going to, so … thanks 🙂 .. I hope my transition is done with as much grace & maturity as yours, although at the moment, I can’t see that happening. Time heals all wounds I guess. Thanks for your reply, appreciate it. Speak soon yeah 🙂